Chuck Norris (the beard fist way)
DJ Mike G, Jonathan Toth from Hoth, Tucker Booth
It’s the further adventures of Chuck Norris…
Shut up, it’s his show,
oops, too slow,
it’s in your contract, you shoulda known,
not his fault you can’t take death as a a joke,
you don’t fuck with Chuck,
and you don’t rhyme about it either,
he knows, the irony is sweeter,
like how he beat dad to mom’s beaver,
but that’s not it,
he wasn’t born, he beat his way out with fists,
dad was a loud-mouthed bitch,
and that’s how Chuck learned the round-house kick…it felt good,
it felt right, it felt like it should,
be used for justice, and pro-
tecting the American way of Chuck’ses.
‘Member when Bruce Lee was cheered?
He’d still be here if he grew a beard.
Chuck drinks napalm for heartburn,
his chief export is pain,
he shits out starbursts,
and he doesn’t sleep, he waits,
McGuyver thinks he’s so smart,
cause he can take nothing and make shit,
but for Chuck Norris, it’s not hard,
to just kill him and take it,
it’s the Chuckalogical answer,
which means: he’s right,
by the way, his tears cure cancer,
too bad he never cried, (ever)
Chuck Norris doesn’t read,
he stares at books until they confess,
and Chuck Norris doesn’t need,
he speaks female, one word: undress.
None shall pass, Chuck Norris,
he’s only gonna win,
he’s not hung like a horse,
horses are hung like him,
there’s no chin behind his beard,
it’s just another fist, he
has no friends just their fears,
of his roundhouse kick,
once he fought a wolverine,
he lost a testicle to the cur,
look way up and you can see,
the technical term is Jupiter,
roundhouse kicks come in head fulls,
he doesn’t believe in Germany, they
can his piss and call it Red Bull,
the p is for free.
Let it be known:
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
More about: DJ Mike G
Born and raised in the red brick kingdom of St. Louis city, Mike G quickly took to the ways of urban life. The sounds of the city became the backdrop for his reign of youthful terror and eventually the inspiration for his beastly musical creations. After enlisting and coordinating the collaborative powers of many of St. Louis’ resident MCs in creating what may be the first entirely-live recorded mixtape, Waitin for the DJ Live, he turned his sights towards a more devious sort of project. To help him unleash his musical fury, he sought out a man whose warped lyrical style could find a home amongst Mike’s twisted instrumental creations. That man was Tucker Booth. Still, the Waitin for the DJ Live project had revealed the powerful effect of hip-hop collaboration, so the duo called in every favor they had to secure backup support from the likes of Jonathan Toth from Hoth, Black Spade, T.Shirt, Scripts N Screwz, and more. This veritable rogues gallery became infamously known as the Men With Beards. The group released two albums to general acclaim – The Dark Side EP and the Men With Beards LP. Recognition of these projects opened the door for Mike to some fruitful collaborations on solo projects from T.Shirt, Jonezy, and others. Not long after, however, Mike retreated underground for reasons unknown. Recent rumors suggest that he has taken refuge in a well-guarded hideout somewhere in the Arizona wilderness (perhaps scheming towards some eventual villainous reemergence). If you have any knowledge as to the whereabouts of DJ Mike G or his secret desert laboratory, please contact the Frozen Food Section immediately. He is to be considered unarmed, but dangerous and of unstable mental footing.
to hear the latest from Mike:
More about: Tucker Booth
Tucker Booth is a man of many talents. While out and about in his hometown of St. Louis, you might find him playing street music for tips on Delmar Boulevard, rapping with his fellow Frozen Foods in the club, rehabbing rundown homes in the Maplewood area, or putting shingles on the palatial mansions of West County with college roofers. Booth discovered the stage at an early age, performing in talent shows and musicals throughout middle school, and then starring in a number of plays during high school and college. His love of music and theatre created an easy transition to front-man and lead singer for several bands in the St. Louis area. In 2001 Booth joined forces with Jonathan Toth from Hoth, adding his creative talents to The Frozen Food Section. He has served as lead vocalist, publicist, promoter, and concert booker for Frozen Food since 2002. Booth and Toth have released 8 albums to date: Will Rap 4 Food (2003), Tucker Booth 4 President (2004), Valet (2006), ExBoyfriend (2009), ExFiles (2010), The Dark Side EP and Men With Beards (2011). His 8th release is a compilation of previously unreleased acoustic ballads entitled Loves, which is available for free download from their website.
Tucker Now Lives In Redondo Beach, CA with his family and is currently booking shows and selling his music independently. For booking or sales info email firstname.lastname@example.org or call (424) 400-9399.
He emcees and hosts Mondays from 4:00 to 7pm (St. Lou time) on www.killradio.org
More about: Jonathan Toth From Hoth
J-Toth raps, sings, makes beats, records artists, mixes the music, masters it and releases it thru the Frozen Food Section. His fingerprints are usually all over anything you hear here…so hear, hear.
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